Friday 20 March 2015

It's OK not to finish

Yesterday morning I was at the computer and Millie came out into the lounge room and started playing, and I heard her say 'Good, finally it's just me and Mummy again!' - a great reminder of how much she treasures that time when she and I play together. So when she came in to sit on my lap and use the computer, I was quite happy to hand it over to her and chat to her while she played Minecraft, and help her spell things she wanted to type. I really enjoy my time alone in the mornings when it happens, checking my email and Facebook and browsing the internet. It has sometimes bothered me then when one of the kids gets up early and I don't have as much time by myself - but lately I've been enjoying it, however it works out. It is lovely having that quiet one-on-one time with whoever comes out first (usually Millie, sometimes LiAM, very occasionally Caitlin). Sometimes we play together, other times they play on the computer or iPad or put a movie on and I do my own thing next to them, while we share the experience. And it doesn't bother me like it used to if I don't end up finishing reading all my emails, or doing all the things I was planning to do - I can come back to it later, or the next day, or whenever - it's usually more fun to change direction and do what the kids want to do. (Occasionally I'll be working on something that someone else is waiting for, so I don't want to stop, and in those cases the kids are usually happy if I put a movie on until I'm finished and then they can have their turn on the computer).

It's the same during the day when I'm doing housework or sorting things out or reading or whatever I'm doing - if someone asks me to come and watch or come and play, I really try to say yes as much os the time as I can. What I'm doing can usually wait - spending time learning and exploring and playing with the kids is way more important than just about anything else, and I can always come back to the other activities. When I stop and play with the kids I've found it works best if I really do commit to playing, and be in the moment with them - if I'm still thinking about what I was doing and wondering when I can get back to it, then I'm distracted and not as fun a playmate, and I don't enjoying the playing or watching as much either.

I'm getting much more comfortable with the idea of not finishing tasks too - I can start something and get as much done as I manage, and if I'm interrupted for whatever reason that's fine. If I get back to it, great, if not, I can move it aside and finish it later, or let it go completely. I watch the kids do it all the time - work on something until they have had enough, then move on to another activity, without that stressful 'I Should finish this' feeling hanging over their heads. They are comfortable in doing what is important at the time, and not hanging on to activities because they were once important, but letting things go as priorities change. I like this, and as I practice it more myself I'm finding it quite liberating. Insisting on finishing something because we started it can stifle learning and interest and joy, and I'm not interested in doing that. The important things do get finished because there is motivation to come back to them, and those where interest has waned can be left and it doesn't matter. The learning happens in the doing of tasks, not the completion of them, and I love that I'm really learning how to enjoy and prioritise the process, not the end product.

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